Saturday, May 1, 2010

Live from P-town, sometimes it takes awhile to find your fingers

I was certain that while I was home recovering not only would I have time to blog, I could read a few novels, catch up on a stack of movies, moisturize and do all things I haven't been able to do while working and living full time. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. Healing is big business and requires most of my attention. Everything I do is directed at my body recovering from the surgery. I eat to fuel my body, I sleep to rest it, I move to keep the muscles moving. I am seeking the balance of nourishment, exercise and rest to allow my body to heal as quickly as possible. Oh yeah I forgot the pain medication, that to is an important part of the equation.
I have to say my care team has been outstanding I have not been alone since my arrival home from the Thompson Peak Spa. Wonderful meals have been arriving daily for my family, and we have been surrounded by loving and caring people.
The day I was discharged from the hospital was by far the worse day of this journey. I was excited and ready to return home, but also scared of being able to return to "my life". I missed the boys so much and I was only able to speak with them briefly during my hospitalization. How would they respond to their invalid mother, with all these weird tubes hanging from her body? I am not use to counting on so many others for my needs as well as the need of my family. Things had changed so completely, I wondered if they would ever be the same again. Now mind you I am sorting out these heavy emotional details while going on my first car ride post surgery with 4cc of morphine to get me through the 100 or so mile ride home. That combined with the Percocet, nausea and my missing body parts can be considered a buffet of depressants. I was a wreck to say the least.
I did not want to see the boys this way, and I wasn't sure that it would change. All you can do when you feel like this is drink water and breathe.

Thankfully I have people who love and care about me. Who remind me of who I am when in the darkness I tend to forget. Kerry and Dani your love and care of me in the hospital could have been done by no others. Thank you to all of you who visited, called, sent cards and sent flowers they made for a cheery hospital stay. The volume of love that has been sent to me and my family during this ordeal is simply overwhelming it brings tears to my eyes when I see how truly blessed I am. Kate and Pat the ride home was so tender and caring, the love of these wonderful women eased me softly in my return to my sanctuary. They helped me to grieve and experience the emotion of all that I had been through in the last month, while gently reminding me of how drugged up I was,and that it would be better tomorrow. They left me with chicken soup in the caring hands of my friend Matt who's quiet strength rearranged the living room furniture for a viewing of Sherlock Holmes. Sometimes you need the quiet of your own home, the distraction of a good movie and the company of a good friend to just feel like in this world of crazy for just this moment things are kind of normal. Dani took over the night shift and diligently woke me every 4 hours to take my pain medication. Drink water and breathe tomorrow will be another day...........
I really did not know how limited my mobility would be. My friend Chris was to care for me on day one of arriving home, with Matt pulling the afterschool shift and Dani doing the night shift. Was all this really necessary? Apparently yes, Mason was brought home around 8:30 am and I instantly felt better his caring little presence just filled my heart with love. He was so happy to see me and be home. Here is the break down of my body:

my left arm has 50% of it's normal mobility,
my right arm has about 25% of its normal mobility due to the removal of the lymph node in this area, this is the most painful part lots of pins and needles intermixed with stabbing pain
I have 5 JP drains coming from where my chest once was, they look like soft plastic grenades that fill up with funky body fluid and need to be drained roughly every 12 hours (GROSS )these are not extrodinarily painful just really weird
I have an incision along my abodomen that is supported by what I call "SUPER SPANKS"
for the most part getting up from bed or sitting is the hardest part of my day, I can walk with relative ease but I fatigue easily. I can pack a lunch then I need to sit down and take a break. I can take a shower on my own only it takes about 40 minutes.
This is not how I am used to functioning.
Most of the pain and discomfort should not be permanent.

This is where my help comes in, they help me do all things that are necessary. My family and I are surrounded by so many willing to help....
That story is for later I need to rest.
Drink water and breathe.....................


  1. I found it useful to remind myself that recovery is a process and not an event. It won't happen today and it won't happen tomorrow or the next day but, hopefully, it will get better.

  2. Sarah, take it slow don't rush your recovery. It will happen and all this will be behind you soon, as just a bad dream. Remember everyone helping you now do it because they love you, not because they have too. You are very special and everyone you touch ends up loving you. Get better soon we miss your smiling face!!!! Call me if you need anything. Lori

  3. Sarah we love you an hope it gets better fast our thoughts are with you an yours. you are an amasing person, we will see you soon. Guy an Greyson

  4. We are so glad to see you are home with your boys surrounded by friends/family that are there to assist you. Take advantage of the help, Sarah, as everyone is here to help you heal. We miss you at the restaurant, it just isn't the same without you! Call if you need us -- remember we're retired!
    Thinking of you,
    Susan, Greg and David

  5. Thanks for all the good thoughts. Lori I still may take you up on your offer to drive me around. Susan, Greg and David so glad you found the blog and are checking in on me...I may need some movies and would love a visit if you leave the Canyon:)guy and greyson see you soon! AQ I don't think I know you but you are so right it is a process, I just lack patience