Sunday, April 18, 2010

I have to start somewhere

On March 29th, 2010 I had an excisional biopsy on a mass in my right breast. Upon awakening from anesthesia, my surgeon Dr. Alan Bornstein informed me that the mass was indeed cancer. Note this may have not been the best time to be informed of this news considering I was totally nauseated, doped up and completely out of my head. This was however my choice because I hate waiting. I am also learning that when dealing with anything in the medical field, if they are willing to give you an answer take it. There will certainly be plenty of times where waiting will not be optional. I started bawling and the Dr. said I will need additional surgery and treatment. The remainder of the day is kind of vague do to the anesthesia, the only thought that kept recurring is CANCER. I vomited in the car as soon as we started driving, then slept most of the way home. Upon arriving home I curled up on the couch completely devastated, only to be interrupted by another wave of nausea.
I would not have survived this day without the love and support of so many people around me. My dear friend Dani drove me to my outpatient surgery in Phoenix, Arizona. She has also been with me at every doctor appointment so far. I don't know what my state of mind would be today if not for Dani's strength and support (I will never be able to thank you enough, I Love you!). Dani handed me off to Matt on arrival home, unfortunately we all have to work. Matt's job was to help with the boys and try to comfort me. He did both with great ease, and compassion. Matt also stayed the night on the couch that night. I was so vulnerable and raw. Trina picked up Corbin from school. Jessica picked up Mason from school and brought both boys home by late afternoon. Kate showed up with dinner for us all, and Jen came by to assist with homework.
I am so lucky to have the love and support that I do. All these people stepped into my world and took over all the details of my life that must go on, feed the kids, pack lunches, do homework, clean the kitchen, make dinner. My friends are all action people and they just don't hesitate when something needs to be done. I am eternally grateful to you all for the love you bring to my family.
March 30th, 2010..........Cancer really????? I had recovered from the anesthesia only to wrap my head around cancer. How do you tell the people in your life? I couldn't even tell my mom at this point. I felt so angry, scared, there was so much unknown. I had an appoint with my surgeon on April 1st, this coincides not only with April Fool's Day but also the 1st scheduled court appearance for my divorce trial. Timing is everything and I just didn't have it that day.
At this point I decided to keep things quiet about my cancer until I learned more. The American Cancer Society web-site was my resource at this point. Words like lumpectomy and mastectomy were flashing before my eyes along with chemotherapy and radiation. How am I going to go through all this? work? and take care of the boys? I also wondered if I was going to die soon? I am young with two young boys this could not be happening to me. I went about my normal routine until my next appointment with Dr. Bornstein. April Fool's Day was not that far away until then I told myself to drink water and breathe.

1 comment:

  1. I'm here for you sis and will probably be giving up my Netbook to your cause, just give me a moment to clean out my stuff out of it.