Where am I these days??? The mind is a little foggy so bare with me. For those of you who I am not friends with on Facebook, the good word from the oncology office is nodes are smaller!!!! They have not completely dissolved as I had hoped for but smaller is better, at least in this instance :)
My last chemo was scheduled during spring break. I could go on and on about the levels of lameness associated with the timing of cancer treatment. This week was particularly difficult because a couple of my closest comrades were out of commission for a variety of reasons. Now by no means was I without support.
My friend Lauren drove on day one. We spent a fun day at the oncology office. I taught her how to play cribbage (the finest card game in the land). We looked at magazines, snacked, I may have even napped. Funny as I type about this day that occurred 2 weeks ago I am unable to re-call crisp details about it. Chemo brain is settling in. I remember we had a great lunch from a euro-deli and had a great day of catching up. We also talked about books as Lauren is one of the most brilliant women I know.....the only one I could recollect is "Man's Search for Meaning"....hmmmm I wonder if it comes in a gender appropriate version. I arrive home to my friend Salli bringing dinner. Day one of the cycle draws to a close, I take some anti-nausea pills to ward off any potential side effects and hit the hay. A chemo day without vomiting is a good day.
Amy arrives bright and early for day 2. When I say early I mean on time and when I say bright well I mean REALLY BRIGHT. My friend Amy is one of the happiest people I know. Sadly I am not much of a morning person and sometimes I have to beg her to lighten up on the cheer. Day 2 is much like day 1 super fuzzy for me. We get some coffee on the way, or do we??? I think yes but I can't be sure. The details are not super important. I teach Amy how to play cribbage and we get some Chinese take-out for lunch. We end up sharing with 3 other patients, my heart aches to think they don't have anyone with them on the journey, or at least for lunch. I am just grateful for so much love. I spend the afternoon napping, while Amy reads my new book "Crazy Sexy Cancer" (A gift from Rachel left on my doorstep during day 1 with some kale love chips, again so much love....:) Then day 2 is over and Amy drives me over the mountain. I am high and low, steroids, chemo, adivan. The drugs leave me pumped up and pulsating. My body feels like intense vibrations, my pulse is amplified by the medication, I am me and not. So hard to explain. I have some homemade broth delivered when I get home, the boys get dropped off and spring break begins.
Overall chemo flows much better then the last time. I spent time focusing on healing. I listened to my meditations while in the chair. The funk seemed to last for about a week this time. The boys went to work with me a couple days and then got to spend time with their friends. I am so blessed to have such amazing kids who can just roll with what life throws our way. I am equally blessed for our family to have such amazing friends to step in and help out. The frustration I feel when I am unable to rally to do the things I used to do make me crazy. I also felt a little weepy and whiny about not having the health to do fun stuff on spring break. We were supposed to be skiing in Grand Junction, not couch surfing. Then I take a breath and accept that this is where I need to be I hug the boys closer and decide to introduce them to Lord of the Rings. If I am unable to take them on epic vacations then at least I can introduce them to some quality epic cinema.
We were also blessed with an end of season snow blizzard. So we had to dig out the brand new sled. I love to get out when it is snowing so Mason and I went to breakfast the first morning. I love driving on the quiet streets, with trees bent gracefully by the weight of the snow. The sound of the tires crushing a path on a million little snowflakes, and the cool crisp air is so fresh. I am also hungry because we shoveled so much snow. We had a delicious breakfast at the Dinner Bell with my dear friend Barbara. Life is good and well there is so much love....
The boys hoped and prayed there would be a snow day on Monday effectively giving them an extra day for Spring break. Their prayers were answered and we woke up to about 18 inches of snow. I called in snow to work and took the kids sledding. We spent a super fun day out in the snow with a bunch of our friends. We could not have asked for a better end to the break.
With a return to our routine I started to feel stronger and stronger. Last Wednesday I met with a bunch of my gal pals. They are making these beautiful earrings out of bike tubes to sell at a benefit for me later this week. Now these women are just amazing gorgeous through and through. We spent the evening crafting, enjoying some yummy food and beverages. I am at a loss to explain how much love I have in my life. It brings tears to eyes and yet lifts me up simultaneously. so much love.....
Later this week I will be attending a benefit held for me hosted by some more amazing women. To watch my community come together and support my family during this time is awe inspiring. I am so humbled and honored to have so many wonderful people in my life. Not to mention I am so excited to just go to this party, hard to feel down when there are so many wonderful things going on. The pulse or buzz of chemo has nothing on the love buzz I am feeling of late.
It is so late and I need my rest...
Drink water and breathe....
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