Monday, August 22, 2011
Long hot summer
I have been meaning to sit down and play a little catch up. I have not known where to start. No news is good news in the blog front. The cancer update is good thus far. In June I had a six month check-up with my oncologist and all tests seem to be good so far. I have a nine month check-up in September.
My health seems to be improving steadily. I have been exercising more and more. It seems nearly impossible to lose the weight I put on during chemotherapy. Honestly I have not been able to get a handle on my eating, working in the restaurant and being surrounded by great food doesn't help much. I am sure my hysterectomy has some hormonal responsibility in the weight loss equation. I am not giving to much power to this situation as one cancer lesson that I have picked up on the way is to give myself a little grace. These things will come in time.
Cancer is still a monkey on my back. Though cancer free thus far I still find myself looking over my shoulder a bit. Every nerve spasm, cough, sore throat, pimple, any strange physical ailment sends my mind to the C zone. Usually for a second and I move on. I am pretty sure I am having some wicked hot flashes, or I have ZERO tolerance for the heat. I have given up wearing eye make-up for the summer, mascara running down my face is not a pretty sight. Then of course there is the chemo-brain. Sometimes I find it hard to put my thought in order. I have a lot to say I just can't find the words. It is really frustrating to remember someones name 2 hours after you spoke with them. I am thankful the information is there, just having a hard time accessing it on demand.
Next month I will enter into the final stage of reconstruction. I will have my nipples tattooed. That is right flesh colored tattooing for my nipple and areola. This will be my 1st time being inked....they say once you get one it becomes sort of an addiction. If you would like to reserve some space on my virgin canvas please impress me now :)
I have found a new love this summer. This love has been a integral part of my healing, and self discovery. This love has connected me to numerous new wonderful people. My new relationship has deepened my connection to old friends and to this magical place I call home. This love is not a person it is my Haro mountain bike. I do however now expect all this and more from my next romantic encounter as well. Mountain biking has been so much fun I am certain I don't have the ability to put it into words. It has been so much hard work, I have taken some crazy falls. Every time I get off my bike after a ride I am blissed out over what I have accomplished. Biking forces you to be present. I am privileged to have some amazing lady riders in my life who encourage me along the way. The pure joy of riding through the forest on a single trek simply stated makes you feel like a kid again. The wind rushing through your hair, the speed, the camaraderie, the challenge. In the beginning I would walk a lot. I am getting stronger and my skills are improving. My body is SLOWLY recovering from all that it has been through, my soul and spirit are on the fast track :) My bike has already taken me to some amazing places, mentally and physically I look forward to all the places we will go.
Insomnia is frustrating but sometimes can lead to some midnight blogging which feels good, and reminds me to drink water and breathe................