Saturday, October 23, 2010

Chemo log 14 Sick, Lame and Lazy.......

My last treatment was October 14th and my lack of blogging comes from a completely full schedule, with some pretty crummy days thrown in.

Treatment 8 of 10 was during the week of fall break which made for less scheduling conflicts with the boys. Wouldn't you know the one day I can relax at the chemo lounge and not have to rush anywhere to pick up kids is the one day they are actually ahead of schedule??? WTF... kind of felt like one of those zen life lessons about having more time when you are not busy rushing. So due to fall break a new friend was added to my chemo dance card, my friend Dani brought lunch and came to spend the afternoon with me. Unlike all the other friends Dani has recently begun her own cancer journey so she can relate a little more to what I am experiencing. Like so many things in life no two paths are the same, cancer treatment is even more varied from case to case and Dr. to Dr. Dani and I passed the afternoon playing cribbage, which I don't know if I have mentioned to anyone is the best card game of all time. I have only played this game with a small handful of players (4 total and 1 is deceased) so it is a joy to find someone new to play with. She even introduced me to a new game called Kings Cribbage which was like a cross between Scrabble and Cribbage, totally fun. My treatment was finished early, I was not ready to stop playing.

The treatment went well no real side effects during. I was very tired from the Benedryl drip and nearly took a nap. Dani and I passed the time quickly with the games and we were on our way before I knew it. I felt so good afterwards I talked Dani into stopping for gelato on the way home.

We stopped at this little Bistro/Coffeehouse/Pizzeria over in Prescott Lakes. Can I just say my gelato and cappuccino were absolutely perfect. After our little treat we walked to the beauty school next door to book some beauty on a budget. We planned facials for Saturday and headed for home. It was a pretty fun day all things considered.

I got home and just settled in. I did my usual post chemo shower and prepared for a quiet evening. I was tired but could not sleep, probably a combination of steroids and cappuccino. I finally fell asleep around 10:30 that evening. Only to awaken around 1:00 AM to a horrible case of heart burn, which eventually lead to me puking 3 or 4 times. This would be the sick and lame part of my story. I had not experienced nausea or vomiting since my last A/C treatment. My simple mind felt I was past that part of this journey. The good news is I was able to eventually drift back off to sleep after the puking. The next day I woke up feeling pretty good and went to work.

That particular Friday was pretty busy at the restaurant. Good because we are making money and it keeps my mind off the possibility of being sick. Bad because it take a lot of concentration on my part to multitask these day. Not to mention I occasionally get whiny and think I need to be "resting" This would be the lame and lazy part of my post. The truth is the day seemed pretty manageable, I felt tired but hell what single mom isn't?

I proceeded to come home from that Friday shift around 4:00 PM. I did not leave my couch or bed until 6:00 PM on Sunday. I was completely wiped out, I heated meals out of the freezer. I slipped in and out of consciousness for 2 full days. How did I feel you wonder? Awful does not quite describe the pain that I was in. There were times that standing would cause me the most horrible bone pain, at times I was even shaky. Some moments I wanted to cry from the pain, my mind is fine and no other real symptoms so I find this "bone" pain rather irritating. It hurts so bad I can't seem to Jedi it away. Vicodin did help to take the edge off, but it was still there lingering in the back ground. Totally lame, I was so miserable I even cancelled my beauty school facial. Spending an entire weekend doing "absolutely" nothing makes me crazy. I couldn't even muster up the focus to blog.

Fortunately "this to will pass" and I rallied enough strength to go out to dinner Sunday night with a friend. For me it is always that step in the forward direction that gets me out of my cave and makes me feel like I am healing. I need to stay busy and engaged in life around me. I am only willing to give cancer so much power over my life and 2 days is my current limit, even that I give begrudgingly.

Monday it is back to work as usual, only just a tad slower, there is a certain cumulative effect of the chemo and I am thankful I have only 2 treatments to go.

Thanks for following along.....

Drink water and breathe.........


  1. Sarah -- I first came "into" (not "onto") your blog via Sean. Now it means even more to me as a major supporter for a dear friend with inflamatory breast cancer. She has completed 8 of 18 or more weekly chemos. I'm the one who schedules her meals, companions & transportation. You're leading the way for me. Your "drink water & breathe," I'm trying to get across to her -- & all her supporters. God bless you & all your dear family & supporting angels!

  2. Oh, Sarah... I've been so caught up in my life, I haven't spent the time reading your blogs. Beth said she saw you Friday night at the school carnival. I was jealous it couldn't be me sitting with you and catching up. I think of you so often and wish you wellness. Please know you are ALWAYS in my heart. I love you!

  3. Sarah-I came across your blog just by chance. Doing breast cancer research while on my own journey. Just wanted to let you know how inspired I am by you. This is a difficult road & only those who walk it understand. Keep strong & keep the faith.I am on the other side just completed reconstruction. It sometimes feels like it will never end, but it does. When it gets bad look to your children for your strenght, I did, and it got me through.
    God Bless.....Tammy