Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Where have I been???
Hooray I have hair !
Okay I have not posted since January 31st what in the world has been going on with me?
That is a very good question. February ended up being a rather long month, even though it is the shortest month of the year.
The boys and I spent the ENTIRE 2nd week of February home sick. That is right no school, no work, we all just sat around the apartment trying to get well. Whatever strand of virus that we had just seemed to cling on forever.
I followed that week with a couple of days in divorce court. My days of being a married woman are numbered. Those couple of days were the most costly financially and emotionally, of my life. Watching Steve sit on the stand and lie made me crazy. I have a legal pad full of scribbles, it was like I was fighting with my demons and scratching them out on a note pad. The low-lights of my 27 month union are aired before a wonderful woman judge. Who will ultimately judge what my stake in our life was after hearing both of our "stories". This forum is not my cup of tea. I like to refer myself as a "forgetful optimist". I have had so many BAD stories with Steve if I held on to all of them I could possible lose myself in something akin to a black hole. Now don't think for a moment that I am so evolved that I couldn't tell you 100 rotten stories about Steve. I could it is just not good for me my big job is to let those go. Needless to say I felt everything in court was kind of ridiculous. His vicious attorney was questioning me about my surgeries and treatment? How much time did I actually spend at Dr.s appointments? Why I made so little money last year and why didn't I apply for a full time job at someplace like Jack in the Box. Somehow this has to do with Steve's defense. I think I finally realized he will never have one. The whole time I am trying to figure out how and why our country has divorce set up like this. How does a system that is suppose to arrive at justice revolve around such cruelty and lack of humanity? It beats the hell out of me. The worse part about all of this is at the end of the day and all the testimony the judge rules that both parties will submit closing arguments by March 11th and she will decide shortly after that. For those of you as confused as I was that means I was told I had to wait another month for her to rule on our case.
Is this a cruel joke? NO! Another lesson in life to hurry up and wait.
My favorite divorce quote is "Divorce is like getting hit by a bus, every day for two years" Elizabeth Gilbert.
Steve was served on March 31, 2009. It has almost been 2 years exactly, I have said before that I have uncanny timing :) That means my daily impacts are coming to an end.
The good news is that I am almost there. I believe the next chapter of my life has amazing things in store for me and I am excited to close the pages on these last few years. Though I gained a lot of wisdom, the journey has been long.
So on the cancer front I have been having monthly blood tests. I will have my 3 month check-up with Dr. Vu next week. I am scheduled for NIPPLE RECONSTRUCTION ( I wish knew how to add sound effects to my blog as this would be an appropriate spot) April 1st. Another outpatient procedure with general anesthesia. I almost opted for NO nipples. That way I wouldn't have to worry about them poking out and such. I also had such a horrible time waking up at the last surgery. However, there is some touch up work that I think is necessary for the long term look of my implants. While I am having that done I might as well have the nipples done to. Dr. Berardi is also going to be moving some fat to fill in my mastectomy indention. Another fun filled day in Scottsdale.
The first week of March found the boys and I sick AGAIN! This is getting to be ridiculous, only this time it is strep throat. Kind of good because it can be treated with antibiotics, kind of bad because it sucks to be sick so much in just a couple of months. It does however feel good to be sick like everyone else, instead of sick with cancer.
Next week is spring break and I am starting to feel that spring tingle in the air. Growth and change are blowing on the wind. I look forward to this new season and hope that it is full of love, healing, health and promise for everyone.
Drink water and breathe.............